自上週分享的寫作糾錯文章“上週雅思考試作文是這麼寫的，結果分數又是5.5”，大家反映都說看完原文，再看批改後發現了很多自己寫作中從來沒有意識到的問題。那今天又給大家帶來了一篇6分的文章。規則還是希望大家先看一遍原文自己先找找問題。自己思考過以後，再看下面的批改解析，這樣可以加深印象，以後在寫作的時候避免出現同樣的問題。

Some language experts have suggested parents encourage children to learn a foreign language at primary school, they believe that children are able to forma better language sense in early age. From my perspective, I completely disagree with the statement and my reasons are below. 

To begin with, spending time on learning a foreign language may cause unnecessary confusion to children. Children at that age are still learning have to learntheir own mother tongue. If they have to learn another foreign language, they may feel stressful and confused. Eventually, they would not have better proficiency on both their own country’s language and foreign language. For example, my 10 years old cousin, Jenny, has been learning English since she wasin elementary school. however, she always confuses which grammar rules are for Chinese or English. Thus, it is obvious that bilingual education may cause unnecessary perplexity.

Furthermore, learning a new language requires a lot of time to practice, which will reduce children learning times on other important abilities. To explain further, the aim of primary education is all-round development in morality, intelligence, physical, social and aesthetic sense. If children have to spend their time learning a foreign language, they may ignore other important learning opportunity. I believe, therefore, the foreign language classes are less important for people in elementary schools.

By way of conclusion, learning a foreign language atsuch an early age will cause confusion and a bad reaction to language. Thus, I once again reaffirm that I completely disagree with the given statement. I believe that learning at secondary school is much more suitable for pupils.

Some language experts have suggested parents encourage children learning to learn (ing表示學生們正在學習，但是文章的目的是指學習語言的現狀，所以用to learn) a foreign language at primary school, t (兩個完整的句子不能用逗號連接) They believe that children are able to form a better language sense in at an early age. From my perspective, (用了from myperspective就不要用I,兩個意思重複) I completely disagree with the statement and my reasons are below.

To begin with (在開頭結尾已經開始了這篇文章了，所以這個連詞是多於的，在這裏沒有任何意義。) spendingtime on learning a foreign language may cause unnecessary confusion tochildren. Children at that age  (at what age?如果要說就具體說, always be specific!) They are still learning have to learn (同開頭段的時態問題.) their own (their，own兩個詞彙又重複意思，這個問題請重視，類似的問題還有：I personally believe; my own views; their own home etc.) mothertongue. If they have to learn another (加了another後，意思變成了學習另一種外語，導致跑題) foreign language, they may feel stressful and confused. Eventually, they wouldnot have better proficiency on both their own country’s language and foreign language. Eventually, they would be proficient inneither of them. For example, my 10 years oldcousin, Jenny,  learn has been learning English since (Since的用法：事情是從過去開始的，現在還在繼續。如果某件事是從過去開始的，而且還在發生，那麼應該使用現在完成時) she was in elementary school. However, she always confuses which grammar rules arefor Chinese or English. Thus, it is obvious that bilingual education may causeunnecessary perplexity. (在“雅思寫作中如何寫出能充分支持論點的例子”這篇文章中說到了，議論文不要去舉personal的例子，不具有說服力)

Furthermore, learning a new language requires a lot of time to practice, which willreduce reduces (一句話動詞保持一個時態，requires，reduces.) children’s learningtimes on other important abilities. To explain it further,  (不需要寫這個。很明顯你會開始解釋，過度的使用連詞會導致CC的分數降低) the aims aim of  primaryeducation is all-round development in morality, intelligence, physical, socialand aesthetic sense. If children have to spend their time learning a foreignlanguage, they may ignore other important learning opportunities Ibelieve, therefore, the foreign language classes are less important for peoplein elementary schools.

By way of conclusion, learning a foreign language at such an earlyage will cause confusion and a bad severe（寫作中儘量避免使用bad，good這類basic又vague的詞彙，用詞和寫句子都要be specific！always，always，always be specific） reaction tolanguage. Thus, I once again reaffirm that I completely disagree with the givenstatement. I believe that learning at secondary school is much more suitablefor pupils.