自从开始了写作训练营以后，看了群里小伙伴写的文章，我发现大家的写作确实有挺多问题，而且很多时候自己很难发现这些问题，所以导致考完以后觉得自我感觉良好，结果分数一直卡在5.5左右。其实关于写作一些概念在之前的公众号文章里文章里已经讲得非常仔细了，所以决定从今天开始，每周会多分享一些写作实例，并且加上文章的问题的解析，希望能给大家看完示例作文问题和解析以后，能多多少少找到自己写作的问题。

今天分享的5.5-6分写作题目就是上周（3月23号）的写作真题，我希望大家能先看一遍原文自己先找找这些问题，原文中的问题我用绿色字体标出来了。自己思考过以后，再看批改解析，这样可以加深印象，以后避免出现同样的问题。

It is often argued when it comes to the academic and social development, the teachers play more important role than parents in influencing with the children. I totally agree with this view since they spend a good share of time in schools and parents usually have less time to spend with their children because of their work commitments.

The first reason is that while growing up children spend most of the daytime in schools with the teachers. The teachers help students learn and understand different subjects. This is because they have extensive knowledge and years of training to help children excel in their studies. Moreover, they can assign a group task to children. This enables children how to get alongside with their fellow peers and helps them develop their communication skills which are useful later in life. Thus, teachers have bigger impact in shaping their future.[结尾TA扣分]

Another reason is that the majority numbers of parents have very less time to spend with their offspring because of the compulsion of a job. Many men and women have different working hours and the daily commuting time consumes most of their energy and makes it impossible for them to spend good time with their children to teach them or enhance their social skills because of exertion. Therefore, parents have very less influence on the child’s life as compared to teachers. For example, in the Uk, a survey conducted on office going parents revealed that only 10% of them are able to help the children with their studies because of the shortage of time and burnout. 

In conclusion, teachers play a crucial role in the overall development of children ranging from their studies to developing interactive skills because they are with them most of the time during the day and parents do not have enough time for developing all these skills.

It is often argued when it comes to the academic and social development + of children[谁的development？Intro第一句要记得扣题，不然印象TR分数], the teachers play + a [搭配错误：play A important role/part] more important role than parents in influencing the children [删掉的句子和when it comes to the academic and social development意思重复了]. I totally agree with this view since they spend a good share of time in schools and parents usually have less time to spend with their children because of their work commitments.[一句话中的代词请统一指代。这句话中they，their统一指代children，所以后面两个their删掉]

The first reason is that while growing up children spend most of the daytime in schools with the teachers. The teachers who help students learn and understand different subjects [这两个句子可用从句合并，从而提高GR分数] This is because they have extensive knowledge + of subjects such as literature, mathematics, sciences and history[什么knowledge？具体说，不然影响TA分数] and years of training + in an effective delivery of lectures [什么training，always be specific!] to help children excel in their studies. Moreover, they + can assign a group task to children. This enables + the [上一句说了是这些children是被分配到任务的children，所以这里要用定冠词 the 特指这些children] children how to get alongside with their fellow peers [peers中已经包含了fellow的意思，用词不精准，意思重复] and helps them develop their communication skills which are useful later in life. + Parents have neither the knowledge of all subjects nor the ability to assign group tasks that are crucial in academic and social development. [问题问的是比较老师和家长的作用，所以结尾一定要提到，不然影响TR分数] Thus, teachers have bigger impact in shaping their future.

Another reason is that the majority numbers [用了majorty 后面不需要加numbers] of parents have very less time to spend with their offspring because of the compulsion of a job. Many men and women + They [灵活使用代词指代可以提高句子间的Cohesion] have different + long working hours and the daily commuting time consumes most of their energy and makes it impossible for them to spend good + quality [避免写作中使用informal&basic的词汇，多使用collocation，如：quality time] time with their children to teach them or enhance their social skills because of exertion.[句子太长，不是长句子就能得高分，过长句子容易绕晕读者，还容易犯很多错误，比如说这句话中的代词就只带错误，前面的代词都是指代parents，最后一个them指代了children. 建议后半句删掉，另起一句话] Physical exertion prevents them from teaching social skills to the children Therefore, parents and they have very less influence on the child’s life as compared to teachers. For example, in the Uk, United Kingdom, a survey conducted on office going parents revealed that only 10% of them are able to help the children with their studies because of the shortage of time and burnout. + the shortage of time and the mental burnout.[平行结构问题：The shortage 对应必须是 The burnout，这里建议改成 the shortage of time and the mental burnout.]

In conclusion, teachers play a crucial role in the overall development of children ranging from their studies to developing + their interactive skills [又是平行结构问题 ranging from A to B，AB形式必须一样，这里改成THEIR studies to THEIR interactie skills] because they +teachers are with them [they是谁？them是谁？这不是高中英文阅读理解，一句话中不要使用多个代词，不要去绕读者]most of the time during the day and parents do not have enough time for developing all these skills.

如果没看解析的话，确实比较难看出来大部分问题，比如说代词、句型结构、用词精准度等。所以写作要提升，一定要多写多改，找到自己的问题再专项的解决。另外咱们的写作训练营正在报名中，智能报告、考官批改白菜价、还有机率免费获得考官精批各种福利，简直不要太划算 点击 阅读全文 查看报名详情