有位心理学家曾写道，一个成熟称得上真爱的恋情

   必须经过四个阶段，那就是：

  •    共存(Codependent)
  •    反依赖(Counterdependent)
  •    独立(Independent)
  •    共生(Interdependent)


   阶段之间转换所需的时间不一定，因人而易。

  • 第一个阶段：共存。这是热恋时期，情人不论何时何地总希望能腻在一起
  • 第二个阶段：反依赖。   等到情感稳定后，至少会有一方想要有多一点自己的 时间作自己想做的事，这时   另一方就会感到被冷落。
  • 第三个阶段：独立。  这是第二个阶段的延续，要求更多独立自主的时间。
  • 第四个阶段：共生。这时新的相处之道已经成形，你（妳）的他（她）已经成为你(妳)最亲的人。你们在一起相互扶持、一起开创属于你们自己的人生。 你们在一起不会互相牵制，而会互相成长。


   但是，大部分的人都通不过第二或第三阶段，而选择分手一途，这是非常可惜的。   很多事只要好好沟通都会没事的，不要耍个性，不要想太多要互相信任，这样第二、三阶段的时间就会缩短。 和所爱的人相遇相恋是非常不容易的，不要轻言放弃。 两人相聚是因为有缘，相知是因为有心，真的得好好珍惜这福份莫说分手不是无由，希望看到上述的四个阶段，真能给大家一些启示与领悟并惜缘，我们会逐渐变成我们所爱的人。  

妳和他本来没有相同之处，外表不相像，性格也是南辕北辙，一旦爱上了，年深日久， 妳会惊讶妳的眼睛有点像他的眼睛，他的微笑也有点像妳的微笑。你们走路的步伐也有点相似，说话的语气也愈来愈相像。 他的脖子上有一颗痣，一天，妳发现自己脖子上也多了一颗痣，原来我们会变成我们所爱的人。  妳本来喜欢脚踏实地的人，而他一向比较轻佻，但你们爱上了，他竟会不知不觉变成一个老实人，这个改变，连他自己也不曾察觉。 他本来喜欢活泼的女孩子，却爱上了拘谨的妳，这些日子，妳竟愈来愈活泼，妳差点认不出自己。  逐渐变成对方理想中的人，这种改变，绝对不是刻意的。  两个人愈爱得长久，气质也愈来愈相近，妳曾经以为他不是妳梦寐以求的那种类型，然而，有一天，妳惊讶地发现，他已经变成妳喜欢的那种类型，妳不必再到处寻觅，他就是妳要找的人。

   深深爱著一个人的时候，妳原来真的会一点一点的失去自己，为甚么妳还会觉得快乐呢？大概是因为妳在失去的当儿， 也是赚了，妳把他的气质和他的微笑都赚回来。

   幸福很单纯

 所以要很单纯的人才容易获得.......


Once a love psychologist wrote: For a relationship to be able to be considered steady and true, it must pass through four stages:

  • Codependent
  • Counterdependent
  • Independent
  • Interdependent

The length of those four stages depends on the persons.

  • Stage 1: Codependent: This is the hottest stage of a relationship; both people wants to stick together at anytime, anywhere.
  • Stage 2: Counterdependent : After the feelings settle, at least one person wants to spend more time doing things for him/herself. At this time, the other person will start to feel unwanted, ignored, hurt and lonely.
  • Stage 3: Independent: This is the continuation of the second stage, seeking for more independent time for oneself, and it's also a step to accustomizing the two of you behind the scene.
  • Stage 4: Interdependent: At this time you two's paths have already formed. He or she is now your most loved one. You two shall support each other, together creating a life that belongs to the two of you. You two will now no longer hinder each other in any way at all, but rather encourage each other, and grow together.


However, most people cannot survive Stage 2 and Stage 3, and choose to break up. That is very unfortunate. Many things can be resolved by communication; avoid being angry with each other or being inapproacheable, but rather trust each other, and forgive each other; this way, the time of Stage 2 and Stage 3 will shrink. It is very difficult to preserve a healthy relationship with the person you love, but don't easily give up on anything. The two of you met each other amongst the billions of people in the world is because of fate, and then love each other because of your feelings at heart, so treasure this and don't easily break-up.

We all will slowly become the person we love. You and he originally have nothing in common, and even personalities are polar opposite, but once in love, day old sky long, you will surprisingly discover that his eyes are like your eyes, his smiles are also like your smiles. You two's steps will also similarize, and even the way you two talk. We will actually turn into the person we love. You probably love a mature, confident person, yet his personality is often crazy and immature. However, once you two are in love, he will also mature and become confident over time. This change happens because of you, and he probably won't even notice himself. This type of change is definitely not done on purpose. The longer two people love each other, the more they will become each other. At one time you thought he was definitely not your type, some time in the future you will surprisingly find out that... he already has became the type of person you love. You will no longer need to look for more, he is the person of your life.

 

 

  • ChenYi Yang
    感觉很多？？？与不确定？？？？　不知该如何拿捏，前两天不跟他联络，我说ㄊ不会想跟我聊？　ㄊ回我：i was waiting to see when you would come online. 然后他说:" 他很不确定我跟他是否要结婚, 他说他目前不在乎, 是否跟我每天连络, 也不觉跟我每天聊天是有趣的, 我跟他说我生病了, 他也没感觉, 他觉每天要说自己在做啥之类的事情. 他绝无趣... 他要我给他时间 再想一想, 要我等他, 然后要我往Positive的方面想, 就继续走下去...(然后我问他, 他现在他第一个喜欢的是谁? 他说工作, 我说第二? 他说是我, 我问他第三 他说没有...) ~~我有点不懂, 我问他我们心还再一起? 他说在...不知是因为很忙 无法想我跟他之间的事情 还是? 其他原因????

    虽然 Katty说:我觉得她式压力大到没有办法考虑，而且我觉得因为你不在，他会觉得孤单，我那天找他他没有说甚么，但是看到新朋友，他很开心！是阿～那天他有提到，他交朋友，跟你们一起玩一玩，感觉很不错！他有开始想毕业专题，现在才拟稿，同时在写一份，　写了好几个月的ｐａｐｅｒ（他说这将是主轴）～也许在无法在身边的情况下，就默默的关心或简单 say hi 好了~ (也许我自己简单化看看)～
     
    如果，真的像Katty说, 看简单一点, 只要我在他心中是第二顺位(第一是工作), 也许真的像katty说其实他是只想要单纯可以专心的感觉?
     
    如果我是一个PHD, 在忙功课时候,最希望旁边得人给你甚么？？？ 我想最希望是＂不要吵＂只要在旁边给我支持，偶尔对我笑一笑就好！(因为我在工作时候, 就是这样)


    今天大爱台说：＂当你笑时，全世界都跟著你笑　；
    　　　　　　　　当你哭泣时，只有你一人哭泣。









相关文章