有位心理學家曾寫道，一個成熟稱得上真愛的戀情

   必須經過四個階段，那就是：

  •    共存(Codependent)
  •    反依賴(Counterdependent)
  •    獨立(Independent)
  •    共生(Interdependent)


   階段之間轉換所需的時間不一定，因人而易。

  • 第一個階段：共存。這是熱戀時期，情人不論何時何地總希望能膩在一起
  • 第二個階段：反依賴。   等到情感穩定後，至少會有一方想要有多一點自己的 時間作自己想做的事，這時   另一方就會感到被冷落。
  • 第三個階段：獨立。  這是第二個階段的延續，要求更多獨立自主的時間。
  • 第四個階段：共生。這時新的相處之道已經成形，你（妳）的他（她）已經成為你(妳)最親的人。你們在一起相互扶持、一起開創屬於你們自己的人生。 你們在一起不會互相牽制，而會互相成長。


   但是，大部分的人都通不過第二或第三階段，而選擇分手一途，這是非常可惜的。   很多事只要好好溝通都會沒事的，不要耍個性，不要想太多要互相信任，這樣第二、三階段的時間就會縮短。 和所愛的人相遇相戀是非常不容易的，不要輕言放棄。 兩人相聚是因為有緣，相知是因為有心，真的得好好珍惜這福份莫說分手不是無由，希望看到上述的四個階段，真能給大家一些啟示與領悟並惜緣，我們會逐漸變成我們所愛的人。  

妳和他本來沒有相同之處，外表不相像，性格也是南轅北轍，一旦愛上了，年深日久， 妳會驚訝妳的眼睛有點像他的眼睛，他的微笑也有點像妳的微笑。你們走路的步伐也有點相似，說話的語氣也愈來愈相像。 他的脖子上有一顆痣，一天，妳發現自己脖子上也多了一顆痣，原來我們會變成我們所愛的人。  妳本來喜歡腳踏實地的人，而他一向比較輕佻，但你們愛上了，他竟會不知不覺變成一個老實人，這個改變，連他自己也不曾察覺。 他本來喜歡活潑的女孩子，卻愛上了拘謹的妳，這些日子，妳竟愈來愈活潑，妳差點認不出自己。  逐漸變成對方理想中的人，這種改變，絕對不是刻意的。  兩個人愈愛得長久，氣質也愈來愈相近，妳曾經以為他不是妳夢寐以求的那種類型，然而，有一天，妳驚訝地發現，他已經變成妳喜歡的那種類型，妳不必再到處尋覓，他就是妳要找的人。

   深深愛著一個人的時候，妳原來真的會一點一點的失去自己，為甚麼妳還會覺得快樂呢？大概是因為妳在失去的當兒， 也是賺了，妳把他的氣質和他的微笑都賺回來。

   幸福很單純

 所以要很單純的人才容易獲得.......


Once a love psychologist wrote: For a relationship to be able to be considered steady and true, it must pass through four stages:

  • Codependent
  • Counterdependent
  • Independent
  • Interdependent

The length of those four stages depends on the persons.

  • Stage 1: Codependent: This is the hottest stage of a relationship; both people wants to stick together at anytime, anywhere.
  • Stage 2: Counterdependent : After the feelings settle, at least one person wants to spend more time doing things for him/herself. At this time, the other person will start to feel unwanted, ignored, hurt and lonely.
  • Stage 3: Independent: This is the continuation of the second stage, seeking for more independent time for oneself, and it's also a step to accustomizing the two of you behind the scene.
  • Stage 4: Interdependent: At this time you two's paths have already formed. He or she is now your most loved one. You two shall support each other, together creating a life that belongs to the two of you. You two will now no longer hinder each other in any way at all, but rather encourage each other, and grow together.


However, most people cannot survive Stage 2 and Stage 3, and choose to break up. That is very unfortunate. Many things can be resolved by communication; avoid being angry with each other or being inapproacheable, but rather trust each other, and forgive each other; this way, the time of Stage 2 and Stage 3 will shrink. It is very difficult to preserve a healthy relationship with the person you love, but don't easily give up on anything. The two of you met each other amongst the billions of people in the world is because of fate, and then love each other because of your feelings at heart, so treasure this and don't easily break-up.

We all will slowly become the person we love. You and he originally have nothing in common, and even personalities are polar opposite, but once in love, day old sky long, you will surprisingly discover that his eyes are like your eyes, his smiles are also like your smiles. You two's steps will also similarize, and even the way you two talk. We will actually turn into the person we love. You probably love a mature, confident person, yet his personality is often crazy and immature. However, once you two are in love, he will also mature and become confident over time. This change happens because of you, and he probably won't even notice himself. This type of change is definitely not done on purpose. The longer two people love each other, the more they will become each other. At one time you thought he was definitely not your type, some time in the future you will surprisingly find out that... he already has became the type of person you love. You will no longer need to look for more, he is the person of your life.

 

 

  • ChenYi Yang
    感覺很多？？？與不確定？？？？　不知該如何拿捏，前兩天不跟他聯絡，我說ㄊ不會想跟我聊？　ㄊ回我：i was waiting to see when you would come online. 然後他說:" 他很不確定我跟他是否要結婚, 他說他目前不在乎, 是否跟我每天連絡, 也不覺跟我每天聊天是有趣的, 我跟他說我生病了, 他也沒感覺, 他覺每天要說自己在做啥之類的事情. 他絕無趣... 他要我給他時間 再想一想, 要我等他, 然後要我往Positive的方面想, 就繼續走下去...(然後我問他, 他現在他第一個喜歡的是誰? 他說工作, 我說第二? 他說是我, 我問他第三 他說沒有...) ~~我有點不懂, 我問他我們心還再一起? 他說在...不知是因為很忙 無法想我跟他之間的事情 還是? 其他原因????

    雖然 Katty說:我覺得她式壓力大到沒有辦法考慮，而且我覺得因為你不在，他會覺得孤單，我那天找他他沒有說甚麼，但是看到新朋友，他很開心！是阿～那天他有提到，他交朋友，跟你們一起玩一玩，感覺很不錯！他有開始想畢業專題，現在才擬稿，同時在寫一份，　寫了好幾個月的ｐａｐｅｒ（他說這將是主軸）～也許在無法在身邊的情況下，就默默的關心或簡單 say hi 好了~ (也許我自己簡單化看看)～
     
    如果，真的像Katty說, 看簡單一點, 只要我在他心中是第二順位(第一是工作), 也許真的像katty說其實他是隻想要單純可以專心的感覺?
     
    如果我是一個PHD, 在忙功課時候,最希望旁邊得人給你甚麼？？？ 我想最希望是＂不要吵＂只要在旁邊給我支持，偶爾對我笑一笑就好！(因為我在工作時候, 就是這樣)


    今天大愛臺說：＂當你笑時，全世界都跟著你笑　；
    　　　　　　　　當你哭泣時，只有你一人哭泣。









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