滿分託福寫作的基因

又有一位同學在最近的托福考試中寫作得了滿分30分，總分113。大家都很好奇滿分作文到底是什麼樣的？雖然我們拿不到她滿分的作文樣本，但是今天我們可以從她的習作中，來看看她的作文都有哪些高分基因。

首先，一篇好的作文，從內容和結構上，一定是符合要求的。文章主體段落由「主題句+論述+舉例子+段落結尾句」的結構來進行論證，這是拿到25+最基本的要求。如果你的例子和論證的內容是很有道理、很貼切的（這和中文的議論文是一樣的），在語言質量還不錯的情況下，可以拿到27+。但是要拿到29分或者滿分，主要是體現在語言質量上。下面，我把這位同學在課上的練習拿來給大家分析一下，我們一起來看看語言質量的踩分點都有什麼，以及這位同學按照老師的要求實踐之後的效果。

短語不重復

First of all, by studying only three to four subjects in high school, students would be more expert in the area they are dedicated to. When they give up some of the subjects that they arent interested in and devote that time instead into specific apartments they are passionate about, the time allows them to achieve deeper understanding and better skills in these areas.

在這幾個句子裏，表達「投入於某事」這個意思，這位同學分別用了不同的短語「are dedicated to」和「devote time into」。表達「感興趣的」，分別用了「be interested in」和「be passionate about」。表示「學科」這個概念，也沒有全部都用subjects, 而用了area和apartment作為替換。表達同樣的意思，一定要使用多個不同的表達。使用重複的語言，會讓人覺得你語言匱乏。

平行結構的使用

你們有沒有發現，上面那段話還有一個特點，那就是句式很「對仗」，英語中叫平行結構parallel structure，比如句中的they arent interested in和they are passionate about 是一對，deeper understanding和better skills是一對，所以，像中文一樣，英語也講究這種工整的「對仗法」，讀起來朗朗上口。

句式長而富有變化

Instead, now that the physical resources are more abundant, parents do not have to worry too much about making a living with poor resources and concentrate their energy on their children.

滿分作文的另外一個特點，就是句子要長，但不是刻意去寫特別複雜的長難句。你們看上面這個句子，句子較長但是不晦澀，讓人一讀就明白意思。用了now that引導的狀語從句，同時後面的主語是一個用and連接的並列句，值得注意的是，…have to worry too much about making a living後面還接了「with poor resources」, 用with介詞短語，又可以進一步把句子拉長，同時也解釋了原因。

還需要注意句式的變化，如果上一句寫了狀語從句，那麼下一句就換個句型，比如用by doing sth，sb will…這樣的結構，再下一句就換成定語從句，然後再下一句可以用基本的主謂賓結構。總而言之，句式要72變！

用詞準確

Creativity does not symbolize irrationality and completely impromptu behaviors, and similarly planning does not mean following the old path with no changes applied at all.

什麼是地道的英語？用詞準確呀！當然，如果有高級的詞，用得準確，那就更是加分項！上面這個句子，一眼看上去，就能看到幾個高級辭彙symbolize, irrationality, impromptu, similarly，用詞準確是最重要的。用得不準確，就成「中式英語」啦。

滿分作文的語言特點：短語不重複、平行結構的運用、句式長而富有變化、用詞準確而高級。另外，這位滿分作文的同學平時有很好的閱讀習慣，基本每週都看一本小說或紀實，看時事類雜誌、報紙。大量的閱讀有助於提高辭彙、短語、句式的整體水平，基礎較弱的同學還需要在閱讀時去刻意摘抄和背誦短語——非常重要。

切記：有針對性的輸入，纔有不斷進步的輸出！

一篇習作

下面是這位同學平時的寫作作業，供大家參考。

Question

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? The ability to maintain friendships with a small number of people over a long period of time is more important for happiness than the ability to make many new friends easily. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

作文習作：

Socializing with people is always important throughout history. Friends and friendship became an eternal topic among people of all ages. I believe that the ability to maintain friendships with a small number of people over a long period of time is more important for happiness than to make new friends easily. Actually, this statement is a personal one, and my own amount of happiness would be significantly increased when I can keep my best friends friendship permanent. This is for the following reasons.

First, old friends would understand each other better, and it is always more comfortable to stay with somebody who acts like close family. After their long remaining friendship throughout years, they would be able to fully understand each other, not only the superficial parts of someones traits or hobbies, but also the deep understanding of their personality and thoughts. This is rare but would offer me extreme happiness. For example, I have been friends with nine people since elementary school. Now that we have travelled to other cities, played basketball matches as a team, and supported each other in different schools and even different countries, our bond between each other grew strong like an elastic. When I am hanging out with them, I always feel warmer and happier than with other friends that I have from my grade.

Second, close friends would have more realistic friendship with actual actions. There once was a theory of dividing ones friends into different layers. In the bottom layer, the friends would only exist on the internet, liking or reposting their friends post in the distance. They dont act as real friends actually, for people cannot even meet many of them in real life. For example, once I decided to meet one of the new friends I made at school to shop around in the mall. We appeared distant, without saying much throughout the whole process. It was really uncomfortable for me because even if we regarded each other as friends, we acted like strangers when we were doing something together. As far as Im concerned, authentic friendship would impress me more and make me feel happier than having a wide range of distant friends.

To sum up my ideas, I personally believe that the ability to maintain friendships with a small number of people over a long period of time is more important for happiness than to make new friends easily. Friends would always be my closest companions aside from family, and people should all try to maintain their friendship in future days.

大家可以參照前面的文章，分析一下她的文章有哪些亮點，喜歡的吸收轉化成自己的。今天的文章就到這裡，我們下篇文章再見。