Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind (2004)

- If given the chance, I would not be brave enough to forget you. -


 

Ladies and gentlemen, we are floating in space.

Spiritualized 最痛徹心扉的作弊歌曲,請小心服用。

 

  痕跡的力道還清晰地刻在心上,提醒你無論被甜美或苦澀的回憶纏繞,都令人心痛的幾乎窒息。想忘掉似呼吸般自然存在的你、忘卻每日隨目光迎接晨暮,伴星夜沉入眼瞼的人是你,暫停所有好的與壞的片段、忽略一起踩過的石頭路與意外發現的祕密基地、戒掉因為你培養出的小習慣,遺忘回過頭就看得見你的心安、放下就算失足也有你接著我的篤定;越想忘掉的人其實越不想忘記、只有離開不了的人才會想要離開。無論年齡增長與否、嚐過多少愛戀滋味、看遍多少灑狗血的分手擂臺、習慣了小三小四小五的存在是必然;在情愛面前我們永遠不會免疫、也不會產生抗體。只要是曾把自己毫無保留地交付給惡魔,越是甜美的回憶越是夢魘最覬覦的囊中物,深怕闔上眼的瞬間便見到佛萊迪帶來的幻覺;不,那是硬生生血淋淋的真實。

 

  在某一夜裡我突然驚覺,發現愛在眼前慢慢地流逝,竟也是如此割心。這時不是隻有恨的力量就能把自己往悲傷的反方向推去;而是當你發現站在鏡子前的自己,身上每一吋肌膚,都是已經被愛過、被呵護過、被溫暖過而重新生長的細胞組織,那是無法分割地、重新長出更美更完整的,全新的自己。然而愛呢?愛跑到哪兒了?為什麼你怎樣也無法憶起曾經這麼沉甸甸的東西?想起Blue Valentine平實地描寫了愛情離開的那一刻,其實真的不需要什麼驚天動地的原因,就只是愛在瑣碎的生活中被磨碎了;細碎的粉末隨著無數爭吵的喧囂捲入漫天灰煙,遮蔽了情人們的眼和心,以至於再也無法用肉眼或心辨識出,那是「愛」的模樣。

 

  傷心欲絕的 Joel 怎麼也無法接受事實,最終還是讓他發現了最不能讓他知道的答案:Clementine 消除了自己對他的記憶。等等,消除記憶?記憶可以消除?這種夢幻般的科幻設定彷彿訴說著人類與生俱來的自保機制-「遺忘」。Joel 忿忿不平地暗自決定找出這家害人不淺的機構;報復 Clementine 變心的最好方法,就是不讓自己獨自留在回憶的泥沼裡掙扎。第一步:清理出所有關於 Clementine 的物品。然,最困難的永遠是一開始。記得每次搬家或整理房間的時候嗎?無可記數的回憶抽屜被緩緩拉開,回憶本是抽象的,卻彷彿被賦予生命在這些實體的物品上;於是每個回憶穿著自己故事的外衣,栩栩如生的在你眼前活躍著。你忽然想起蝴蝶效應這名詞,煞地手中每個小玩意兒、每個紀念品都要再三思索去留,彷彿此時的決定若有個閃失,都會影響彼時的你;或是未來後悔下錯決定 的那個你。愛上一個人需要很大的勇氣,離開一個人何嘗不是;在離開之後一併交還牽絆彼此的記憶,更需要雙倍的勇氣。就像要自己動手把已經屬於你的一部份挖出來,一丁點兒的渣都不能剩。以為非得歷經如此痛徹心扉的儀式,才能還給自己當初那個原原本本、沒有心動過、沒有流淚過的自己。

 

  從片頭開始倒敘這段心碎的故事,到回憶裡的跳躍式的片段,是否正好呼應了人的思緒常是靈光乍現。有機會消除這些椎心之痛的記憶,我想被狠狠傷過的戀人們會說:「當然!我八不得把那個混蛋王八蛋臭雞蛋從我的記憶裡永遠刪除!」可以的,只要你能忍受全程目睹那些藏在你眼皮底下鉅細靡遺的片段,看著自己的心被撕碎成四分五裂,隨之而來被挖空的記憶夾雜莫名眷戀的感覺會讓你再也找不回原本的自己...當 Joel 再也受不了看見心愛的 Clementine 不斷消失,有股動力驅使著他,告訴他這不僅僅是我與她兩人的回憶,更是我「應該」擁有的苦澀甜蜜;當 Joel 緊緊牽著 Clementine 的手四處逃竄,企圖將她藏匿在更深、更底層的潛意識裡躲避神祕機構的消除療程,我的眼淚早已潰堤,哭得泣不成聲。而且我很明確地知道,無論往後重看幾次,肯定都與第一次的內心震撼無異;而隨著人生歷練的厚度提升,或許每次能發現更多年輕時所無法體會的深刻感受。

 

  透過這一連串的坦然面對,我們竟也與Joel一同療癒了傷口;於是「遺忘」再也不是唯一的救贖,如同浦澤直樹的《PLUTO》裡原本羨慕人類擁有「遺忘」能力的機器人,卻在失去了另一半後對主角說:「請不要消去我和他之間的回憶。」;而在電影《Before Sunset》當中,Celine 在闊別九年後與 Jesse 的再度重逢,趁著夕陽西下前的短暫相聚,豁達地說著:「Memories are wonderful things, if you don't have to deal with the past.」,我想是對《Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind》最精確也最耐人尋味的回應。

 

Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind (2004)    

Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind (2004)       

Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind (2004)  

Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind (2004) 

"Dear Mr. & Mrs. Eakin,


Clementine Kruczynski has had Joel Barish erased from her memory.

Please never mention their relationship to her again.

Thank You.


LACUNA INC."

 


Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind (2004)   

Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind (2004)

Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind (2004) 

Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind (2004)  

Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind (2004)  

Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind (2004)

Blue ruin/ Red menace/ Yellow fever/ Green revolution/ Tangerine

Clementine 的髮色變化除了突顯個人特質,似乎也暗示著戀人間的溫度。

 

 

Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind (2004)  

Joel: 'Clem, this isn't good.'

Clementimn: 'Then hide me somewhere... somewhere really buried.'

 

 Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind (2004)  

Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind (2004) 

Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind (2004)  

Joel:

You were down by the surf. I could just make you out in the distance.

I remember being drawn to you even then. I thought,

"Wow, how odd. I'm drawn to someone's back. "

You were in that orange sweatshirt that I would come to know so well...

and even hate, eventually.

 

Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind (2004)   

Clementine: Look man, I'm telling you right off the bat, I'm high-maintainance, so... I'm not gonna tip-toe around your marriage, or whatever it is you've got goin' there. If you wanna be with me, you're with me.
Joel: Okay. 


Clementine: Too many guys think I'm a concept, or I complete them, or I'm gonna make them alive. But I'm just a fucked-up girl who's lookin' for my own peace of mind; don't assign me yours.
Joel: I remember that speech really well.
Clementine: I had you pegged, didn't I?
Joel: You had the whole human race pegged.
Clementine: Hmm. Probably. 


Joel: I still thought you were gonna save my life... even after that.
Clementine: Ohhh... I know.
Joel: It would be different, if we could just give it another go-round.
Clementine: Remember me. Try your best; maybe we can.

 

Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind (2004)     

Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind (2004)  

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