家裡有兩個孩子，關係雖好，也常有爭執。有段時間，兩人之間總是在說：He/she made me do this...我就蓄意教育他們：Nobody can make you do anything. You can choose to do this and that. 現在我很少他們在用He/she made me...這樣無效的話。當然，別的衝突又會冒出來。我們大人之間衝突更多，一樣需要自我調整。子女教育和我們自我教育都是一輩子的事。怎樣調整？我想起了過去在扶輪社（Rotary Club)看到的四原則：「我們在所思、所言、所行時，請考慮：第一、此事是否符合真相？第二、對相關人員是否公平？第三、是否促進善意和友情？第四、是否對所有人有益？」我們同事David今年是小城扶輪社主席，他說這四原則其實是對「己所不欲勿施於人」原則的分解。我又想，分解得越細，並能明確表述出來，就越對人有幫助。越籠統幫助越小。於是我根據我自己的理解，又寫成了如下的價值觀，並跟家人分享。也不知道能被接受多少，但起碼讓其他人知道我重視什麼。我也可以藉助下面的說法，自我改進。我順便翻譯過來，分享如下。不知其他家長是否認同？歡迎回復。

1. Remember that we are all sinners with flaws. We all have room to grow. Others aren』t perfect. Neither are we. Accept it.我們都缺陷多多，需要改進。他人並不完美，我們也一樣。
2. Golden rule: Treat others how you would like to be treated yourself. Platinum rule: Treat others how they would like to be treated themselves. Others may have different wishes.記住：比「己所不欲，勿施於人」這「黃金定律」更重要的是「白金定律」：己之所欲，勿加於人，他人或許和你有不一樣的追求。
3. Not everyone can change. You may want to leave them alone and accept them as they are. Work with their strengths.不是所有人都能改變過來。不要強求他人變化，而應該接受他們，從他們的優勢出發來處理問題。
4. Know yourself. Develop the ability to describe your own strengths and weaknesses with great accuracy. Reflect upon yourself daily.認識你自己，能準確表述自身長短處，才能長進。人每天都要自我反省。
5. Don』t let your pride stop you from doing what』s right. Admit your mistake if needed. It actually makes things easier for everyone, including yourself.別讓你的自尊阻擋你做正確的事，包括承認自己的錯誤。
6. If you truly believe that you are right, and others are wrong, you will have to justify it with reasoning and evidence, instead of using nothing but labels and libels.如果他人和你發生衝突，你真心覺得你有道理，對方不對，你得有能力通過道理和證據說服人，你不能通過打棍子、戴帽子的方式試圖壓制對方。
7. Some fights are not worth it. Fight only the good fights. If it isn』t a matter of principle, then forget it and move on.有的仗不值得一打，有的仗值得一打，把精力集中到後面。不是原則問題不要浪費精力。
8. Think of the battles others may be fighting, and try to be kind.多想想他人的難處，不要太強求。
9. Be imaginative. You need it to understand others.多點想像力。理解不是憑空而來，而需要想像他人的處境。
10. If your words don』t help, then you may not need to say them, even if they are true. 不能造就人的話，對也不要說。
11. Use your understanding of others to make them, not to break them.把你對他人的理解用來雕塑對方的長處，而不是用來攻擊對方。
12. Try 「our way」, instead of 「my way」, 「your way」, or 「no way."在「不行」, 「聽我的」, 「聽你的」外，還有「我們一起」這種方式。
13. Respect others" privacy, peace or rest while you enjoy yourself. 玩時需盡興，同時不忘對他人盡責，莫要侵犯他人的隱私，打擾他們的平安或休息。
14. Develop the ability to express what you value (including writing down your values on a piece of paper) and share it with people close to you. Do not assume your preferences are as well known to others as they are to you.如果你重視某個價值，將其表述出來（包括在一張紙上，把你重視的價值觀寫下來，並與你身邊的人分享），將潛意識顯出來有助於讓其發揮作用。
15. Good habits are skills that require daily practice.好的習慣和技能一樣需要練習才能獲得。
16. Do not force others to do what you can"t or won"t do yourself. 自己做不到或是不想做的事，不要輕易要求別人。
17. If you let others do something you can』t or won』t do yourself, let them do it their way and show appreciation. Otherwise you provoke others and humiliate yourself as others may have been doing something that you should have the ability or willingness to do.自己不想或者不能做的事，他人去做，就讓其放開手腳，用自己的方式去做，表達你的欣賞。不要在邊上指手畫腳，甚至挑刺。不然的話，你會激怒他人，而且給自己帶來羞辱。
18. If you are always unhappy with someone』s work, do it yourself. Learn it if needed. 如果對別人做的事情不順眼，就自己動手，自己也不會就學。不能迷信授權。
19. Keep an open mind. See perspectives before you jump to conclusions.保持開放心態。多看些視角，然後再下結論。
20. Do not work your way till you show signs of incompetence or total fatigue. Leave yourself some room to enjoy yourself.沒有必要把事情非要做到自己不能勝任甚至疲憊不堪的地步，留幾分餘閒好去享受。
21. If others apologize to you, accept it and move on. Do not sweat about their sincerity. It may have taken a lot for them to take the step already. Apologize yourself if needed. 當別人跟你道歉的時候，你就接受，然後做自己該做的事，不要為了對方是否誠懇來糾纏。很多時候，對方跨出這一步已經很不容易。自己需要道歉的時候自己也要道歉。
22. If others compliment you, say thanks and move on. Don』t dwell on it till you become annoying.當別人恭維你的時候，說聲謝謝，然後繼續去做自己該做的事。不要繼續追問最終讓人厭煩。

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