When I was six years old, I received my gifts. My first grade teacher had this brilliant idea. She wanted us to experience receiving gifts but also learning the virtue of complimenting each other. So she had all of us come to the front of the classroom, and she bought all of us gifts and stackedthem in the corner. And she said, "Why don't we just stand here and compliment each other? If you hear your name called, go and pick up your gift and sit down." What a wonderful idea, right? What could go wrong?

當我6歲的時候，我收到了份禮物。我一年級的老師有一個很棒的主意。她想讓我們在接受禮物的同時還能學習如何表揚他人。所以她讓我們走到教室前面，她給我們每個人帶了禮物，堆在牆角。然後她說：“讓我們在這裏互相表揚吧。如果你聽到有誰表揚你，就去拿一份禮物然後回座位。”多棒的主意，對嗎？能出什麼差錯呢？

Well, there were 40 of us to start with, and every time I heard someone's name called, I would give out the heartiest cheer. And then there were 20 people left, and 10 people left, and five left ... and three left. And I was one of them. And the compliments stopped. Well, at that moment, I was crying. And the teacher was freaking out. She was like, "Hey, would anyone say anything nice about these people?"

我們一共有40個孩子，每一次別人被叫到名字，我都會很高興的叫好。然後剩下20個人，然後10個人， 5個人……最後剩下了3個人。而我是其中一個。再也沒有表揚了。就在那時，我開始哭。老師也不知所措。她說：“嘿，有沒有人願意表揚一下這些同學？”

"No one? OK, why don't you go get your gift and sit down. So behave next year — someone might say something nice about you."

“沒有嗎？好吧。那你們去拿一份禮物然後回座位吧。明年要好好表現哦，說不定會有人表揚你。”  

Well, as I'm describing this you, you probably know I remember this really well.

你看我記得如此清楚，因爲這是我心裏永遠的痛。

But I don't know who felt worse that day. Was it me or the teacher? She must have realized that she turned a team-building event into a public roast for three six-year-olds. And without the humor. You know, when you see people get roasted on TV, it was funny. There was nothing funny about that day.

但我不知道當天誰的感覺更糟糕，我還是我的老師？她一定意識到自己把一個團隊建設活動變成了3個6歲孩子的尷尬時刻。而且這種尷尬一點都不好笑。電視上演的那些尷尬時刻，非常好笑。但那天一點都不好笑。所以那是一個版本的我，我死也不要再次經歷這種事情——在衆目睽睽下被拒絕。

So that was one version of me, and I would die to avoid being in that situation again — to get rejected in public again. That's one version. Then fast-forward eight years. Bill Gates came to my hometown — Beijing, China — to speak, and I saw his message. I fell in love with that guy. I thought, wow, I know what I want to do now. That night I wrote a letter to my family telling them: "By age 25, I will build the biggest company in the world, and that company will buy Microsoft."

這是一個版本。時間快進8年。比爾·蓋茨來到我的家鄉——中國北京——做演講。我看了他的演講，就被他深深迷住了。我想，哇，我找到了人生目標。當天晚上我給家人寫了一封信，信上說，“在25歲之前，我要打造一個世界上最大的公司，而這家公司會買下微軟。”

I totally embraced this idea of conquering the world — domination, right? And I didn't make this up, I did write that letter. And here it is —You don't have to read this through —This is also bad handwriting, but I did highlight some key words. You get the idea.

我向他真心學到了征服世界的想法，統治世界，對吧。我沒騙你們，我真的寫了信。就是這封——你沒必要看懂中文，字也寫得不好看，但我劃出了一些重點詞。你們就明白了。

So ... that was another version of me: one who will conquer the world.

所以……這是另一個版本的我，一個想要征服世界的我。

Well, then two years later, I was presented with the opportunity to come to the United States. I jumped on it, because that was where Bill Gates lived, right?

時間又過了兩年，我得到了一個來美國的機會，我抓住了它，因爲這可是比爾·蓋茨的故鄉啊，對吧？

I thought that was the start of my entrepreneur journey. Then, fast-forward another 14 years. I was 30. Nope, I didn't build that company. I didn't even start. I was actually a marketing manager for a Fortune 500 company. And I felt I was stuck; I was stagnant. Why is that? Where is that 14-year-old who wrote that letter? It's not because he didn't try. It's because every time I had a new idea, every time I wanted to try something new, even at work — I wanted to make a proposal, I wanted to speak up in front of people in a group — I felt there was this constant battle between the 14-year-old and the six-year-old. One wanted to conquer the world — make a difference — another was afraid of rejection. And every time that six-year-old won.

當時我覺得這會是我創業生涯的開始。然後，再快進14年，我三十歲了。我並沒有成立那家公司。甚至沒有開始。而是成爲了一家500強企業裏一個平凡的市場經理。我感覺我卡住了，停滯不前。爲什麼呢？那個寫信的14歲孩子去哪了？不是因爲他沒有嘗試。而是因爲每次我有了新的主意，每次我想嘗試一些新的東西，甚至在工作的時候——我想提出一個方案，我想在一羣人面前講話——我感覺6歲的我和14歲的我之間一直在鬥爭。一個想征服世界，改變現況，另一個卻害怕被拒絕。然而每次那個6歲的我都贏了。

And this fear even persisted after I started my own company. I mean, I started my own company when I was 30 — if you want to be Bill Gates, you've got to start sooner or later, right? When I was an entrepreneur, I was presented with an investment opportunity, and then I was turned down. And that rejection hurt me. It hurt me so bad that I wanted to quit right there. But then I thought, hey, would Bill Gates quit after a simple investment rejection? Would any successful entrepreneur quit like that? No way. And this is where it clicked for me. OK, I can build a better company. I can build a better team or better product, but one thing for sure: I've got to be a better leader. I've got to be a better person. I cannot let that six-year-old keep dictating my life anymore. I have to put him back in his place. So this is where I went online and looked for help. Google was my friend.

這個懼怕甚至持續到我開了自己的公司。我在30歲的時候成立了我的公司，如果你想成爲比爾·蓋茨，遲早要踏出第一步，對嗎？當我開始創業後不久，遇見了一個被投資的機會，但是我最終被拒絕了，那次拒絕傷害了我。嚴重到我想當場放棄。但是我想，嘿，比爾·蓋茨會在一次投資被拒後就放棄嗎？任何成功的創業人會像那樣放棄嗎？當然不。我突然間恍然大悟。我能創立一個更好的公司。我能建立更好的團隊，開發更好的產品，但有一件事是必須的：我要成爲一個更好的領導者，成爲一個更好的人。我不能讓那個6歲的我繼續支配我的生活。我要戰勝他。所以我上網尋求幫助。谷歌是我的朋友。

I searched, "How do I overcome the fear of rejection?" I came up with a bunch of psychology articles about where the fear and pain are coming from. Then I came up with a bunch of "rah-rah" inspirational articles about "Don't take it personally, just overcome it." Who doesn't know that?

我搜索：“怎麼克服被拒絕的恐懼？”跳出了很多心理學文章，關於恐懼和痛苦的來源。然後是一些勵志的文章關於“不要太在意，克服就好。”廢話，地球人都知道好嗎。

But why was I still so scared? Then I found this website by luck. It's called rejectiontherapy.com.

但爲什麼我還是很害怕？然後我意外找到了這個網站，叫做 RejectionTherapy.com(被拒治療法)

"Rejection Therapy" was this game invented by this Canadian entrepreneur. His name is Jason Comely. And basically the idea is for 30 days you go out and look for rejection, and every day get rejected at something, and then by the end, you desensitize yourself from the pain. And I loved that idea.

 “被拒治療法”是加拿大一個創業者發明的遊戲，他叫傑森·康利。遊戲很簡單，你出門找拒絕，持續30天，每天都主動找人因某些事拒絕你，最後，你對被拒絕就會感到麻木了。我太愛這個主意了。

I said, "You know what? I'm going to do this. And I'll feel myself getting rejected 100 days." And I came up with my own rejection ideas, and I made a video blog out of it.

我說：“好吧。我就這麼幹。我要讓自己被拒絕100天，而且把情景錄製下來。”我要自己想象出被拒絕的注意，還爲此創建了視頻博客。

And so here's what I did. This is what the blog looked like. Day One ...

這就是我做的。這就是那個博客。第一天……

Borrow 100 dollars from a stranger. So this is where I went to where I was working. I came downstairs and I saw this big guy sitting behind a desk. He looked like a security guard. So I just approached him. And I was just walking and that was the longest walk of my life — hair on the back of my neck standing up, I was sweating and my heart was pounding. And I got there and said, "Hey, sir, can I borrow 100 dollars from you?"

向一個陌生人借100美金。所以我來到公司，我走下樓，看見桌子後面坐着一個壯漢。可能是保安吧。所以我接近他，我走向他，簡直是我人生中最漫長一段路，我覺得脖子後面的汗毛都豎起來了，手心都是汗，心怦怦直跳。我走到他面前，說：“先生你好，我能向你借100美金嗎？”

And he looked up, he's like, "No." "Why?"

他擡起頭，說：“不行。 爲什麼？” 

And I just said, "No? I'm sorry." Then I turned around, and I just ran.

我說：“不行嗎？真不好意思。” 然後我轉身就逃了。 

I felt so embarrassed. But because I filmed myself — so that night I was watching myself getting rejected, I just saw how scared I was. I looked like this kid in "The Sixth Sense." I saw dead people.

我感覺非常尷尬。但是因爲我錄下了這段經歷，所以那天晚上，我重看了一遍被拒絕的過程，我看到了自己有多害怕。像是《靈異第六感》裏的孩子，看見死人一樣害怕。

But then I saw this guy. You know, he wasn't that menacing. He was a chubby, loveable guy, and he even asked me, "Why?" In fact, he invited me to explain myself. And I could've said many things. I could've explained, I could've negotiated. I didn't do any of that. All I did was run. I felt, wow, this is like a microcosm of my life. Every time I felt the slightest rejection, I would just run as fast as I could. And you know what? The next day, no matter what happens, I'm not going to run. I'll stay engaged.

但我又看了看那個人，他並沒有那麼可怕。看起來胖乎乎的，很可愛，他甚至還問我，“爲什麼”。事實上，他給了我解釋的機會，我本來可以說很多。我可以解釋，可以交涉。但我什麼都沒做，我只是逃走了。我覺得，哇，這簡直就是我人生的縮影。每次我遇到一點小小的拒絕，我就撒腿就跑。於是我決定了，第二天，不管發生了什麼，我都不會逃跑。我會繼續交涉。

Day Two: Request a "burger refill."

第二天：請求一個“漢堡續杯”。

It's when I went to a burger joint, I finished lunch, and I went to the cashier and said, "Hi, can I get a burger refill?"

我來到一家漢堡店，吃完午餐，走向收銀員，說：“你好，我能來一個漢堡續杯嗎？”

He was all confused, like, "What's a burger refill?"

他非常疑惑，“什麼是漢堡續杯？”

I said, "Well, it's just like a drink refill but with a burger." And he said, "Sorry, we don't do burger refill, man."

我說：“就像飲料續杯啊，只是換成漢堡。”他說：“不好意思，哥們兒，我們沒有漢堡續杯。”

So this is where rejection happened and I could have run, but I stayed. I said, "Well, I love your burgers, I love your joint, and if you guys do a burger refill, I will love you guys more."

所以我被拒絕了，我本可以逃跑，但我沒有。我說：“我超愛你們的漢堡，超愛你們的店，如果你們能做漢堡續杯，我會愛死你們的。”

And he said, "Well, OK, I'll tell my manager about it, and maybe we'll do it, but sorry, we can't do this today." Then I left. And by the way, I don't think they've ever done burger refill.

然後他說：“好吧，我會向經理彙報的，以後可能會有這項服務，但抱歉，今天實在沒有辦法。”然後我走了。順便說一句，我覺得他們不會推出漢堡續杯服務的。

I think they're still there. But the life and death feeling I was feeling the first time was no longer there, just because I stayed engaged — because I didn't run. I said, "Wow, great, I'm already learning things. Great."

他們的店還沒倒閉。但第一天那種緊張到死的感覺，已經沒有了，僅僅因爲我留了來交涉，沒有逃跑。我說：“哇，好棒，我已經有所長進了，真的很不錯。”

And then Day Three: Getting Olympic Doughnuts. This is where my life was turned upside down. I went to a Krispy Kreme. It's a doughnut shop in mainly the Southeastern part of the United States. I'm sure they have some here, too. And I went in, I said, "Can you make me doughnuts that look like Olympic symbols? Basically, you interlink five doughnuts together ... " I mean there's no way they could say yes, right? The doughnut maker took me so seriously.

第三天：索要奧林匹克甜甜圈。我的人生從此開始被顛覆。我去了“卡卡圈坊”，一家賣甜甜圈的店，主要分佈在美國的東南部。當然這裏應該也有。我走進店裏，說：“你能爲我做一些長得像奧林匹克標誌的甜甜圈嗎？就是把五個甜甜圈連起來……”按理來說他們不可能答應，對吧？但那個做甜甜圈的特別重視我的要求！

So she put out paper, started jotting down the colors and the rings, and is like, "How can I make this?" And then 15 minutes later, she came out with a box that looked like Olympic rings. And I was so touched. I just couldn't believe it. And that video got over five million views on Youtube. The world couldn't believe that either.

她居然拿出一張紙，記下顏色和排列，思考該怎麼製作。15分鐘後，她拿着一盒奧運五環甜甜圈出來了。我感動極了，簡直難以置信。這個視頻在Youtube上獲得了超過5百萬的瀏覽量。看來整個世界也無法相信。

You know, because of that I was in newspapers, in talk shows, in everything. And I became famous. A lot of people started writing emails to me and saying, "What you're doing is awesome." But you know, fame and notoriety did not do anything to me. What I really wanted to do was learn, and to change myself. So I turned the rest of my 100 days of rejection into this playground — into this research project. I wanted to see what I could learn.

因爲這件事，我上了報紙，參加脫口秀，可忙了。我出名了。很多人開始給我寫郵件，說：“你做的事情太棒了。”但知名度並不是我想要的。我真正想要的是學習和改變自己。所以我把“被拒100天”剩下的經歷變成了個人遊樂場，變成了研究項目。想看看我能學到什麼。

And then I learned a lot of things. I discovered so many secrets. For example, I found if I just don't run, if I got rejected, I could actually turn a "no" into a "yes," and the magic word is, "why."

我學到了很多事情，我發現了很多祕密。比如，我發現只要我在遭到拒絕後，不逃之夭夭，我可以把“不行”變成“行”，祕訣就是問對方“爲什麼”。

So one day I went to a stranger's house, I had this flower in my hand, knocked on the door and said, "Hey, can I plant this flower in your backyard?"

有一天，我去一個陌生人家，捧着一束花，敲他的門，問：“嘿，我能把這束花種在你家後院嗎？”

And he said, "No." But before he could leave I said, "Hey, can I know why?" And he said, "Well, I have this dog that would dig up anything I put in the backyard. I don't want to waste your flower. If you want to do this, go across the street and talk to Connie. She loves flowers." So that's what I did. I went across and knocked on Connie's door. And she was so happy to see me.

然後他說：“不行。”在他關門之前，我說：“嘿，你能告訴我爲什麼嗎？”他說：“我有一隻狗，它會把後院所有東西都刨出來。我不想浪費你的鮮花。如果你想種花，你可以到街對面，問問康妮，她超愛花的。”我照做了。我穿過馬路，敲開妮家的門。她看到我可開心了。

And then half an hour later, there was this flower in Connie's backyard. I'm sure it looks better now.

一個半小時後，我的花就種在了康妮的院子裏。我保證，它現在比這要美多了。

But had I left after the initial rejection, I would've thought, well, it's because the guy didn't trust me, it's because I was crazy, because I didn't dress up well, I didn't look good. It was none of those. It was because what I offered did not fit what he wanted. And he trusted me enough to offer me areferral, using a sales term. I converted a referral.

如果我在被拒後選擇離開，我可能會想，也許那個人不相信我，因爲我的要求很瘋狂，可能因爲我穿得不好，看上去不怎麼樣。結果都不是。僅僅因爲我提供的不是他想要的。他其實很信任我，還給我推薦了別人，用銷售的行話來說，我完成了一次轉交處理。

Then one day — and I also learned that I can actually say certain things and maximize my chance to get a yes. So for example, one day I went to a Starbucks, and asked the manager, "Hey, can I be a Starbucks greeter?" He was like, "What's a Starbucks greeter?" I said, "Do you know those Walmart greeters? You know, those people who say 'hi' to you before you walk in the store, and make sure you don't steal stuff, basically? I want to give a Walmart experience to Starbucks customers."

然後有一天——我又學到一招，我可以通過表述一些確定的事情，增加我的提議被接受的可能性。比如，有一天我走進一家星巴克，問經理，“我能成爲星巴克迎賓員嗎？”他問：“什麼是星巴克迎賓員？”我說：“你知道沃爾瑪迎賓員嗎？就是那些在你進店前，跟你打招呼，然後盯着你在店裏別偷東西的人？我想給星巴克顧客帶來沃爾瑪式的體驗。”

Well, I'm not sure that's a good thing, actually — Actually, I'm pretty sure it's a bad thing. And he was like, "Oh" — yeah, this is how he looked, his name is Eric — and he was like, "I'm not sure." This is how he was hearing me. "Not sure." Then I ask him, "Is that weird?" He's like, "Yeah, it's really weird, man." But as soon as he said that, his whole demeanor changed. It's as if he's putting all the doubt on the floor. And he said, "Yeah, you can do this, just don't get too weird."

我不確定這種體驗好不好，實際上因該肯定不好。然後他說：“哦，”沒錯，就是他，他叫埃裏克，他說：“我不確定。”這就是當時他的表情，“我不確定。”然後我問他，“這很奇怪嗎？”他說：“沒錯，哥們兒，很奇怪。”但是在他說完之後，他的整個舉止就變了。像是這事兒提出來後他就把懷疑全倒乾淨了。他說：“好吧，你做吧，但希望你別太奇怪了。”

So for the next hour I was the Starbucks greeter. I said "hi" to every customer that walked in, and gave them holiday cheers. By the way, I don't know what your career trajectory is, don't be a greeter.

所以接下來的一個小時，我成爲了星巴克迎賓員。我對每一個進門的顧客說“你好”，祝他們節日快樂。順便提一句，我不知道你們的職業規劃是什麼，千萬不要當迎賓員。

It was really boring. But then I found I could do this because I mentioned, "Is that weird?" I mentioned the doubt that he was having. And because I mentioned, "Is that weird?", that means I wasn't weird. That means I was actually thinking just like him, seeing this as a weird thing. And again, and again, I learned that if I mention some doubt people might have before I ask the question, I gained their trust. People were more likely to say yes to me.

真的很無聊。但後來我發現，我之所以能成功，是因爲我提到了“這很奇怪嗎？”我提出了他心裏的疑問。正因爲我問了“這很奇怪嗎”，恰恰意味着我不奇怪。這意味着我跟他想的一樣，也覺得這事兒很奇怪。就這樣一次又一次，我體會到，如果在我提出自己的要求之前，我能說出對方心裏的疑問，我就能贏得他們的信任。他們也更有可能答應我的要求。

And then I learned I could fulfill my life dream ... by asking. You know, I came from four generations of teachers, and my grandma has always told me, "Hey Jia, you can do anything you want, but it'd be great if you became a teacher."

然後我明白了，要想實現人生理想，只要開口。我家四代都是老師，我的奶奶一直跟我說，“阿甲（我的小名），你可以做任何你想做的事情，但最好還是當老師。”

But I wanted to be an entrepreneur, so I didn't. But it has always been my dream to actually teach something. So I said, "What if I just ask and teach a college class?" I lived in Austin at the time, so I went to University of Texas at Austin and knocked on professors' doors and said, "Can I teach your class?" I didn't get anywhere the first couple of times. But because I didn't run — I kept doing it — and on the third try the professor was very impressed. He was like, "No one has done this before." And I came in prepared with powerpoints and my lesson. He said, "Wow, I can use this. Why don't you come back in two months? I'll fit you in my curriculum." And two months later I was teaching a class.

但我的理想是創業，所以我沒當老師。但是給人講課卻一直是我的夢想。所以我想：“如果我直接請求去大學教一堂課呢？”當時我住在奧斯汀，所以我去了德州大學奧斯汀分校，敲教授的門，問“我可以教您的課嗎？”開始幾次我沒有成功，但我沒有逃，不停去嘗試，到了第3次，教授被打動了。他說：“從沒有人做過這事。”我來之前就已經準備好幻燈片和課程。他說：“哇，我真的能用上這些。你兩個月後過來吧，我把你加到我的課表裏。”兩個月後，我去教了一堂課。

This is me — you probably can't see, this is a bad picture. You know, sometimes you get rejected by lighting, you know?

這是我——你可能看不清楚，照片拍得不好。有的時候連光線都拒絕你，對嗎？

But wow — when I finished teaching that class, I walked out crying, because I thought I could fulfill my life dream just by simply asking. I used to think I have to accomplish all these things — have to be a great entrepreneur, or get a PhD to teach — but no, I just asked, and I could teach.

但是，當我教完那堂課，我是哭着走出來的，因爲我發現，我可以實現人生理想，只需要開口請求。而原本我以爲，要實現理想，要先達到許多標準——比如成爲傑出的創業者，或者成爲博士才能教書——並不是，我只要開口請求，我就能教書。

And in that picture, which you can't see, I quoted Martin Luther King, Jr. Why? Because in my research I found that people who really change the world, who change the way we live and the way we think, are the people who were met with initial and often violent rejections. People like Martin Luther King, Jr., like Mahatma Gandhi, Nelson Mandela, or even Jesus Christ. These people did not let rejection define them. They let their own reaction after rejection define themselves. And they embraced rejection.

在這張照片裏，可能大家看不到，我援引了馬丁·路德·金的話，爲什麼？因爲我發現那些改變了世界的人，改變了我們生活方式和思維方式的人，都是那些遭到開始的拒絕，甚至暴力拒絕的人。比如馬丁·路德·金，聖雄甘地，尼爾森·曼德拉，甚至耶穌基督。這些人沒有讓拒絕定義自己，而是用被拒絕後的行動定義了自己。他們擁抱拒絕。

And we don't have to be those people to learn about rejection, and in my case, rejection was my curse, was my boogeyman. It has bothered me my whole life because I was running away from it. Then I started embracing it. I turned that into the biggest gift in my life. I started teaching people how to turn rejections into opportunities. I use my blog, I use my talk, I use the book I just published, and I'm even building technology to help people overcome their fear of rejection.

要了解拒絕，我們不需要成爲這些人，以我爲例，拒絕曾是我的詛咒，曾是我的夢魔。它困擾了我一生，因爲我曾經不敢面對它。然後我開始擁抱它。把它轉變爲我人生中最大的禮物。我開始教別人如何把拒絕變成機會。用我的博客，我的演講，用我剛剛出版的書，我還發展科技，來幫助人們克服被拒絕的恐懼。

When you get rejected in life, when you are facing the next obstacle or next failure, consider the possibilities. Don't run. If you just embrace them, they might become your gifts as well.

當你在人生中遭到拒絕，當你面對下一個障礙，或下一次失敗，想想以下這個可能：不要逃跑。如果你擁抱它們，它們也可能成爲你的禮物。

Thank you.

謝謝大家。